MY T-SHIRT DESIGNS SAMPLER

MY OTHER ART PIECES

17 APRIL 2013

Danderhall Miners Club Scotland

George Osborne

Steve Bell

TODAY'S POST IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE LETTER 'J' AND THE NUMBER 45 MILLION

There's not a lot I remember from my early school days. Apart from Pythagoras' Theorem - the square on the hippopotamus is equal to the sum of the squares on the other sides - or something like that. A theorem I've never had the opportunity to put to any practical use.
What has stuck in my head is this little number from Sesame Street. Some practical advice about jamming June bugs and jiving judges. I'd assumed that jamming June bugs in jars was one of those quirky little laws you find left over on statute books from decades gone by. Or perhaps June bugs were an endangered species in the US, protected by environmental law from being jammed in jars.
One particular judge I wouldn't mind jiving dawn 'til dusk is Judge Judy. My wife loves the show - it drives me insane. Granted, some of the 'contestants' are a little ridiculous, but it's the shouting and bullying and insults of the judge I find cloying. "I don't believe you, sir!" doesn't constitute due legal process. You might as well toss a coin. She allegedly earned $45 million in a particular year for these insights. For that money you could easily afford a lie detector machine. Job done in half an hour. Of course that wouldn't qualify as 'entertainment'.
Anyway, my advice should you be unfortunate enough to find yourself on Judge Judy is to bring plenty of June bugs and lots of jars - and get jamming!  You may lose the case but at least you'll get to 'Jive Judge Judy by Jamming June bugs (in Jars).

YOU RANG?......

ACTION CAMUS

Action Camus by R. Sikoryak.
Albert Camus (1913-1960) Algerian author, journalist, philosopher, one time goalkeeper and soccer fan. Camus is often linked with Sartre and existentialism, an association he himself disputed. He is also erroneously claimed to have played in goal for France. Camus was forced to give up football at age 17 due to lung problems although he did play in goal for his university team. He is quoted as saying "After many years during which I saw many things, what I know most surely about morality and the duty of man I owe to sport and learned it in the RUA." The RUA being his old university soccer team. It would be interesting to know what he would make of the modern game of soccer. There's not much morality in the simulation, the diving and cheating and lately we have the scandal of match fixing which is sure to damage the game even further. Incidentally, Philosophy Football, an online shirt printing company, has printed Camus' quote on their shirts. The shirts have consistently proved to be bestsellers.

I came across an item on the internet once upon a time which claimed that the Irish writer Brendan Behan and Camus would go together to see Arsenal play at Highbury in London back in the 50s. I can't find a reference for it, perhaps it was a lyric made up by Irish songwriter Shane McGowan of The Pogues. I'd love it to be true. How great would would it be to bump into Albert Camus and Brendan Behan in a Finsbury pub after the match?
Back to the artworks. The spoof covers are based on Camus' best known novel L'Etranger. The novel explores Camus concept of absurdism. The central character, Meursault believes he inhabits an indifferent universe and behaves accordingly. Summing the book up, Camus suggests that society kills Mersault because he refuses to cry at his mother's funeral.
Mersault, in a fit of metaphysical confusion, kills a man. At his trial, the prosecution makes much of the fact that Mersault did not show any emotion at his mother's funeral. He is portrayed as a man without remorse or pity. To Mersault it is absurd. He refuses to 'play the game' and is condemned. Its heady stuff but one of the great books of the 20th century as Camus is one of the great authors and thinkers of the 20th century.
In 1979 English band The Cure released their first single 'Killing an Arab.' An unfortunate title as the song was meant to be a tribute to Camus' novel. Since the song's release it has been misunderstood, taken out of context and hijacked by racists, bigots and xenophobes. So much so that Robin Smith has requested that it be pulled from radio airplay completely. You cannot understand the song without reading the book. Simple.

Finally, The Pogues with Ireland's  poet laureate, Shane McGowan, does reference Behan, Ireland's bar room philosopher, in the song 'Streams of Whiskey.'

Oh the words that he spoke
seemed the wisest of philosophies,
There's nothing ever gained
By a wet thing called a tear
When the world is too dark
And I need the light inside me
I'll walk into a bar
And drink fifteen pints of beer

http://www.rsikoryak.com/
http://www.camus-society.com/camus-downloads.html
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/books/6941924/Albert-Camus-thinker-goalkeeper.html
http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/blog/2013/feb/04/europol-match-fixing-football?INTCMP=ILCNETTXT3487
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brendan_Behan
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Killing_an_Arab

WHEN GIRLS ATTACK!

THE INAUGURAL DONALD RUMSFELD THINGS YOU KNEW YOU DIDN'T KNOW BUT DO KNOW NOW POST - PICKING YOUR FEET IN POUGHKEEPSIE

 I'm obsessed with Poughkeepsie. Of course it's Gene Hackman's fault. Ever since I heard that line many moons ago I've liked the sound of it. I've never been there probably never will go but it doesn't bother me. There's always the internet. This is Jean Murphy on the town of Poughkeepsie page. http://www.townofpoughkeepsie.com/historian/index.html She seems like a nice lady, the kind you could have a beer with and chew the fat. Then there's the Journal: http://www.poughkeepsiejournal.com/ Weather looks bad. Second oldest newspaper in the USA.

According to wikipedia (and who will argue with wikipedia) the inventor of Scrabble, Alfred Mosher Butts (238 points) was from Poughkeepsie. Other notable residents – Delilah Strong, adult film star, winner of the 2009 AVN Best Three -Way Sex Scene. Edward Wood, film director. Samuel Morse, inventor of morse code. Sterling Morrison, guitarist with the Velvet Underground. Caroyln Garcia, ex-wife of Grateful Dead guitarist Jerry Garcia. Billy Name (who really should change his middle name to Noh) artist, Andy Warhol collaborator and campaigner to save Poughkeepsie Bridge. And finally James J. Lebar, catholic priest who served as chief exorcist of the Archdiocese of New York. I shitteth ye not.

You'll see on the town historian page there's a notice to find a slogan which best sums up Poughkeepsie. They really should play on The French Connection connection if you see what I mean.

Poughkeepsie – we've picked only the best!

Poughkeepsie – every square foot hand picked!

Poughkeepsie – we picked you, now pick us!

And so on. Afterall I would never have heard of Poughkeepsie if it weren't for that line.

So I have to ask the question. Is it, or has it ever been illegal to pick your feet in Poughkeepsie?

I'm hoping it's one of those antiquated laws you find in the US sometimes, like say it's illegal in Boise, Idaho for red – headed girls in yellow summer dresses to lick an ice-cream on a Sunday if the wind is blowing from the south west. I'm hoping you know. I would ask the historical society but there probably sick of being asked.

And finally a Limerick I wrote in honour of Poughkeepsie.

There was a young man from Poughkeepsie,

Who boasted his girl was so easy,

So when he came round to call, she cut off his balls,

Now he goes by the name of Felicity.

MR. SPOCK'S MUSIC FROM OUTER SPACE

Nothing more to add really.

Except maybe this from William Shatner (Captain Kirk):

Cover of Pulp's Common People. A classic.

Shatner is well known for his spoken word covers

or parodies, you can never really tell what they're

supposed to be. Here is Zapp Brannigan who in

turn parodies Cap'n Kirk.

SHAKESPEAREAN INSULT KIT

Tired of the same old swear words? Need to inject new life into your insults? Try new improved 'Shakespeare Insult Kit' ©. Yours for 12 monthly installments of just $4.99.

Boss giving you a hard time lately?
Simply pick any 3 words from columns 1, 2, and 3 and watch him squirm as you call him a 'gleeking beef-witted bum bailey!'

Teacher constantly picking on you? Watch her jaw drop as you call her a 'mewling knotty-pated flax-wench!'

Driven mad by unsolicited phone calls? Hear them gasp as you call them 'venomed onion-eyed hugger-muggers!'

And how do you reckon Richard III feels being discovered buried under a car park? Well, like a 'gorbellied common-kissing puttock!'

Hours of fun guaranteed!


http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2013/feb/05/king-richard-iii-face-recreated?INTCMP=SRCH

JESUS IN THE LAND THAT TIME FORGOT II

I've re-posted this to do a little follow up and simply because I like it. I really don't want to get into the creationism v. evolution debate, you've got your beliefs, I've got mine. The creator of this little ditty was trying to make some kind of gesture to scientific discovery while keeping their feet firmly in the christian fundamentalist camp. I think its meant to be tongue-in-cheek and it would be wrong to read too much into it but there are certain issues to address here. Jesus was not around at the time of Noah and the flood, least not in human form, and secondly we can only imagine the kind of grief Noah had in providing bed and board for a boy and girl T-Rex, not to mention the full spectrum of dinosaur kind.

I did research (2 minutes Google) to check if the colouring book was genuine and found this instead:

It's a similar concept. I love the tag lines 'TRUE BELIEF COMICS', 'SCIENCE ACTION STORIES'. There are several more issues going on here. I love the fact that both protagonists have ginger hair. Jesus looks like some mad celt and Darwin (looks nothing like him) is drawn like some kind of Darby O'Gill character. Basically it looks like some kind of mad Irish bar room brawl. Jesus, a self-professed pacifist looks particularly demented.

I'm going to leave the final word to Bill Hicks, as he would wish:

PAUL BOLGER - ARTIST AND FILMMAKER

Paul is an old college mate of mine from way back. After many years away working on animated features he's returned home. In this short feature he discusses a personal ambition to develop a live action movie based on the exploits of Irish legendary figure Cú Chulainn. Ireland has a rich vein of mythological stories comparable to anything to come out of Greece and the Mediterranean. The Tain and Irish mythology in general is the oldest surviving vernacular outside of ancient Greece and Rome. While the heroes of ancient Greece and Sparta have been given the Hollywood treatment (not always successfully) no such examples exist of Irish mythological figures. You may argue that Irish mythology is not as widely known as the Greek but the stories and themes are universal. Swap the names of Achilles and Hercules with those of Cú Chulainn and Fionn MacCumhaill and you will still find magnificent tales of bravery, tragedy, treachery, love, deceit  and victory against all the odds. I think it requires a homegrown talent to do it justice. This is the gap Paul is attempting to fill.

http://www.pillarstoneproductions.com/

NEW YEAR SALES

Another January almost over and the bill for the end of year festivities will have come home to roost. Has anyone escaped the irony of paying through the nose for everything at Xmas and the day after you find them reduced by half. Nice little capitalist touch I feel. Xmas is a pagan festival with a little christian message bolted on. I'm waiting for archaeologists to discover that Jesus was actually born on July 5th. Sort that one out!

MUSIC CHOICE FOR DECEMBER - BAGPIPE JAZZ SPECIAL AND A LITTLE ACCORDIAN

Track 1: Bagpipe Blues - Rufus Harley
Track 2: Scotch & Soul - Rufus Harley
Track 3: Sweaters - Laurie Anderson ft Rufus Harley 
Track 4: La Paloma - E. Balise

FRIDAY DEC 21st - IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT AND I FEEL FINE

According to the Mayan calendar anyway.
It's come to my attention that with some people this Mayan prophecy/prediction is being taken seriously. For anyone worried, don't be. I'll see you back here on Saturday 22nd December.